how

is it even possible for a person as talkative as me, to be so lazy when it comes to updating a blog?

i mean, it's been like three or four months since my last post, again, and it definately is not that i don't have anything to say. i've never been that interested in writing stuff in diaries or private blogs because i like my thoughts and opinions to be read/heard, so i guess that might be the reason. considering that i haven't ever even told anyone about this blog.

maybe it's about time that i change that, huh?

anyway, a lot has happened during this year, a lot of pretty lifechanging stuff i could say. i started working, i started school again, my whole circle of friends changed (and not just once but many times) and it feels like i have found myself again, and certainly lost myself a couple of times too. but now that yet another decade in my life is coming to it's end, i feel like it's time to start taking life a bit more seriously.

 i have so many things in my head i want to do, to design and to achieve, and it would be a total waste to just let them slip away without doing anything about it. i'm tired of feeling useless and dull, feeling bad about myself even though deep down i know that i have potential to do anything i want. if i just tried even a little.

i also decided to stop pressuring myself to doing things i really don't want to. i mean let's face it, i'm not going to get PhD's or become a rocket scientist. i'm not going to spend my life working in an office full of people with no interest in anything whatsoever. and i'm certainly not going to start looking for a person to get married with and start a family any time soon. i need to stop thinking that i should, for no reason. so why can't i bring myself to actually do things I want then? i just can't figure out why.

lack of self-confidence, perhaps. even though i find that a bit hard to believe about myself. self-confidence doesn't improve by itself but through success. and success doesn't really come running at you, you have to make it happen. make it work, as tim gunn would say.

and maybe i just should, work a little harder to make it work.