off off off with head

i should be sitting at work, tired and pissed off, selling people groceries and alcohol and loads of other useless shit they don't really need, but instead i'm at home doing my own sorts of useless things (apart from drinking too much beer and just being plain lazy...) like developing and editing some shitty holga film i took last night. i'm happy that the film actually turned out OK even though i kind of messed up with the developing.... i guess the actual photos are nothing more than a bit below average, but i actually enjoy the process so much i don't really care how the results are. ha

and while i'm trying not to lose my nerves with my annoyingly SLOW and supposedly "practical" (haha) film scanner, i'm being made to listen to some really lame background music of my local clinic's phone queue... i mean, i'd much rather listen to some random beeping or something. but luckily i got an appointment for this afternoon so i can get a sick leave for a couple of days... too bad i can't really actually rest and try to heal my flu because i'm leaving to joensuu (my parents' hometown) to attend my grandfathers funeral.

with all due respect to him, i'd rather not go at all though. i really don't like the churches and sad faces and the melancholy of the whole ceremony, i just feel like it's disrespecting the memory of the person. why not spend the time focusing on remembering all the good times had with the person instead of carrying some corpse around and throwing dirt on the coffin? because really, it is just a corpse, the real person that used to be inside is not there anymore. not there. gahh!

but i guess i'll just have to endure and put on my socially acceptable mask :-------------) oh fun